What is beauty? Well, according to the internet, beauty is..
A combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.
But is this really beauty? No.
Beauty isn’t what shape you are, what colour you are or what form you have, what height you are, what size you are, what hair colour you have, what weight you are and so on..
Whilst these features are attractive in different ways, it’s not what makes you beautiful. What makes you beautiful is you, your heart, your kindness and your character.
For a very long time, 24 and a half years to be exact, I never felt beautiful. I would browse the internet, social media, magazines and I would see what I thought was beauty. I would see slim, petite girls, long thick hair, long legs, slender arms, toned stomachs and perfect facial features, everything I was not. Beauty to me was a stereotype.
We think external beauty is what is most important, I know I certainly did. I was a short, overweight, bingo winged, greasy skinned girl who would try to change anything she could to be ‘beautiful’. Since I was 11, I have been on diets, I’ve starved myself, ate baby food, drank shakes, been the gym and tried all kinds of slimming pills.
I have spent so much money on beauty products, makeup, lip plumpers, eyelashes, straighteners, curlers, fake tan etc but still, I hated my size, my face and my body. I thought whilst I looked the way I did, I would never be beautiful.
For me, 2017 was a learning curve. I started the year promising myself that I would put myself out there more. I had lost 2st2lbs since 2016 and I thought I had gained so much confidence. So, I joined tinder, went on dates, I opened up to people, I put myself out of my comfort zone thinking I was ready but still, I was rejected.
I was beyond disheartened and disappointed. Why am I not still beautiful? Why am I still not found attractive? These are some of the things I would ask myself on a daily basis.
Have you ever heard that saying, “If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect any body else to love you?” Well.. it’s true.
Whilst people thought and said I was ‘pretty’, I was never myself. My photos were filtered, full body pics were no-no’s, I would still cringe if people took photos of me because I didn’t like my smile, my arms were too fat, thighs were too thick, eyebrows were too thin etc. I could never believe anyone who told me I was beautiful because I myself, didn’t think I was. I put on a front daily, acting like I was confident, like I didn’t care, making excuses for myself. Then one day, I found an old photo of myself and I saw how far I had come and how much I had grown as a person.
In that moment, I felt a huge sense of achievement, for the first time in my life, I was proud of myself.
I started to find things I liked about myself, not so much physically, but my qualities, my personality, my humour, my kindness and my heart. Beautiful souls are beautiful people. I’ve accepted myself, appreciating everything I have. I realise that the appreciation of others may or may not follow but I will no longer try too hard to seek validation from anyone but myself.
If I can tell you anything, it will be that your value doesn’t decrease on someone’s inability to see your worth! Own what you have, love what you’ve got. I’m not saying everyone is going to see it but the ones who matter, will.
Thank you so much for reading this very personal post today. I love and appreciate you all!
Be YOU – Be BEAUTIFUL.